Did you do anything exciting this weekend? It’s a question many ask casually, but for someone like me—a retired police officer—“excitement” holds a very different meaning. My years on the streets of Baltimore redefined the concept of excitement as something I’ve grown to avoid at all costs. For me, excitement was often synonymous with drama, trauma, and danger—elements I’ve worked hard to leave behind.
A Career in the Chaos
During my time with the Baltimore Police Department, my life was a whirlwind of high-stakes situations. I was involved in four separate shootings, multiple rescues from burning buildings, countless street fights, and high-adrenaline moments where my survival was far from guaranteed. I have the scars to prove it—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Baltimore in the 1980s was a pressure cooker of crime and volatility. Policing there was less about patrolling streets and more about navigating minefields of domestic disputes, armed confrontations, and unrelenting chaos. Each day was a mix of seizing illegal firearms, defusing violent altercations, and managing the unpredictable behavior of those under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or sheer desperation.
But the excitement came at a cost. My final on-duty incident left me with lifelong injuries, requiring multiple surgeries and steel plates in my wrist. That was the moment my career ended—and a new chapter of navigating post-trauma began.
The Mental Toll of "Excitement"
The toll that high-stress professions like policing take on mental health is well-documented. According to the Law Enforcement Mental Health and Wellness Act of 2017, officers are nearly twice as likely to experience depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety compared to the general population. Tragically, police officers also face a higher risk of suicide than line-of-duty deaths.
Why? The emotional toll of witnessing humanity at its worst, combined with irregular hours, stigma around seeking help, and a lack of tailored mental health resources, creates a perfect storm for psychological burnout. Did you do anything exciting this weekend?
Programs like Peace Officer Wellness, Empathy & Resilience (POWER) and mindfulness training have been introduced to combat these issues. They aim to help officers build resilience, improve relationships, and mitigate the long-term effects of occupational trauma. But healing isn’t immediate or linear—it’s a process.
Sunday Afternoon Doldrums
For years after retiring, I struggled with what I call the "Sunday afternoon doldrums." These moments of melancholy were a stark contrast to the adrenaline-fueled chaos I had grown used to. The quiet felt foreign—almost unsettling. Over time, I realized these doldrums were a byproduct of thinking too much, ruminating on the past, and not knowing how to occupy my newfound calm.
Through trial and error, I learned to navigate these moments. Here’s what works for me:
- Routine: I maintain consistent sleep and meal schedules to create stability in my day.
- Mindfulness: Prayer and meditation help ground me in the present.
- Acceptance: I’ve learned to accept my past and recognize that difficult moments, including the doldrums, will pass.
- Avoidance of Drama: I consciously avoid situations that might reintroduce unnecessary stress or excitement into my life.
The Brain’s Role in Trauma
Understanding the science behind trauma has also been vital in my recovery. PTSD doesn’t just affect emotions; it physically alters the brain. The amygdala, our internal alarm system, becomes hyperactive, while the hippocampus, responsible for processing memories, struggles to contextualize past events.
For police officers, the constant state of arousal keeps the amygdala in overdrive, making it difficult to transition from survival mode to a state of calm. This is why mindfulness practices and structured wellness programs are so essential—they help retrain the brain to process stress more effectively. Did you do anything exciting this weekend?
From True Crime to Tranquility
The world of true crime—so popular in podcasts and media today—can seem fascinating from the outside. But for those of us who lived it, the reality was far from glamorous. It was gritty, raw, and relentless. Drama and excitement were unavoidable in the line of duty. Did you do anything exciting this weekend?
Now, in retirement, I’ve embraced a life that’s drama-free, trauma-free, and blissfully unexciting. To some, this might sound dull, but for me, it’s the epitome of peace.
So, when someone asks if I did anything exciting this weekend, my answer is simple: No—and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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